Sweetie pie

Last night Haven kept asking for Grandpa to come to her house. We went over where he was again. Heaven with God. She said cause he was sick? I said yes but in Heaven God made him all better and he’s so happy. If he could I bet he’d love to see horsies with you and wear matching cowboy hats and be silly with you. She said I just want him to come to my house. There was such a sadness in her voice. I realized she probably only heard me say he’s all better and thought okay then he can come. We are still working on the concept of Heaven and she is only almost 3. I changed the subject quickly and rushed her to bed as my heart was aching. This morning she wanted her neigh neigh (the horse from my Dad) to stay in her bed. She’s been attached to it especially all this week. She wanted to only take her dolls downstairs with her. I’m getting prepped for a newborn session and hear, “hello my sweetie pie.” I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around. That was what my dad called me. I was always sweetie pie. And secondly I don’t even know how she would know that. She was a baby before he got sick and I don’t say that. Maybe she heard it on tv. My heart immediately melted. Part ache and part just the feeling of my dads presence. Last night I was missing him so much I barely slept. To hear her say that just made me feel like Jesus was saying he’s here. He’s watching. He loves you. I knew the death of a parent would be hard for me to navigate but I hadn’t really thought thru how to explain it to my children. I try to keep it light and simple but they watched me grieve and watched me leave to go so him. They saw him on FaceTime not looking himself. We talked on the phone until we couldn’t. That’s not light and simple. The grieving process of losing someone so close to me I naively thought I wouldn’t need to deal with for a while. Boy I wish that was the case.